Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Where's Ra's al Ghul When You Need Him?

Over the past year or so pizza joints have been lowering their prices to an insanely affordable degree that borders on "too-good-to-be-true" territory: Pizza Hut-$10, Domino's-$5, Little Ceaser's-$5, etc. On one hand, this is fine. I love pizza. Most people do. The more pizza out there, the happier and less-violent the world would seem to be.
But, as is always the case, there is something revealing just beneath the surface. You have to ask yourself why pizza places - once America's fun-time culinary destination on the weekends and still kind of reminiscent of old-school TGIF programming and other pre-pubescent rituals of that ilk- are all of a sudden charging so little for their product.
Answer's easy, right?
Slow economy + less disposable income = less eating out = less profits for Big Pizza.
Again, this is fine. It's America. Everyone seems to benefit from low-price giveaways. But I am concerned about the fact that these pizza joints are "giving away" their pizzas and still making healthy profits. It makes me think that they could have been selling them for cheaper than a McDonals 20-piece chicken nugget meal all along - and, by the way, I find it interesting that the 20-piece meal counts as a two-person meal with two drinks and two orders of fries in Chicago, but as a one-person meal in Mississippi, but that's another discussion for another time.
Bottom line: if Big Pizza is still in business at five quid a pie, they could have been doing that all along, but they weren't; the prices they were charging (in the neighborhood of $20 a pizza) is just another example of unchecked corporate greed that is driving this country toward a Corporate Death Match where the last human being walking the earth is one with singles bulging out of his suit-trouser pockets. It's the kind of greed that Ra's al Ghul talks about in Batman Begins that has infiltrated literally every level of our infrastructure. I mean, they have taken our pizza! And I want reparations for all the money I spent. Or at least some League of Shadows-type wrath. Screw capitalism and supply and demand. I want my money back. Or at least a little more art in pizza making like the Yoda-pizza above. Where's the craftsmanship even?
Okay, maybe all of this is a stretch and an uneducated rant on the global dynamics of pizza economics. It's knee-jerk and inaccurate and unfair. But I still feel cheated. Especially since Domino's pizza is more like breadsticks than a pizza. Pizza's are ROUND, Domino's. Round.

P.S. Chicago: pizzas are supposed to be cut into slices, not little squares that yield soggy, inedible leftovers.

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